


Tick Tock Don't Stop, Keep Breathing

by TeamImprov



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Episode Tag, Gen, Gunshot Wounds, Not Really Character Death, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamImprov/pseuds/TeamImprov
Summary: This isn’t the first time Mac’s been shot, he’s felt the sharp bite of a bullet before, but seeing Nikki’s blank expression as she falls backward into Lake Como hurts more than the bullet in his own chest ever could. Episode Tag for 1x01.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 27





	Tick Tock Don't Stop, Keep Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Up Down by Boy Epic.

It’s not exactly the first time Mac’s been shot. 

He’s felt the burn of metal through flesh before. It kind of comes with the territory when you get into the spy business. It’s not exactly written in the job description but then again there isn’t really a job description to begin with. 

However, watching the bullet hit Nikki and seeing her fall backwards off the cliff into the murky water below seems to hurt more than the bullet that hit his own chest only seconds later. His own descent feels weightless, timeless. There is nothing but the burn from his wound and the shattering of his heart before he crashes into the water-hard. 

He can’t even move at first. Maybe the bullet severed his spine and he’s paralyzed? Maybe it pierced his heart and he’ll bleed to death before he even has a chance to look for Nikki. 

He wills his body to move. He has to find her. He can’t get the blank expression she wore as she fell out of his brain. He opens his eyes and still can’t see. The moonlight isn’t enough to brighten the dark waters below. His lungs seize, finally running out of air, and he jolts into motion. 

Everything around him is turning red as his life drains out of his body and into the famous waters of Lake Como. What a strange way to go. He’s always known it could happen. If anything, he’s just surprised he’s lasted this long. 

I always suspected I wouldn’t make it to thirty. 

The thought saddens him, but not as much as the thought that neither will Nikki. She deserves more than this job gave her, than he gave her. He tried, he tried so hard, to be good enough for her. They had a good life while it lasted. But he wanted more. Maybe it’s selfish but he wanted more with her. 

His limbs feel stiff and he fights against his own fatigue to stay afloat. The gasping heaves he’s been taking in are barely filling his lungs with oxygen. Cold dread runs through him as his body fights tirelessly to survive. 

He needs Jack. They had such a rocky start but their bond grew so strong in the Sandbox. Jack was the only one who understood everything he had been through when he came back to California. Bozer tried but luckily he didn’t know what it was like. 

Jack knew. 

And Jack stayed. 

So few people had ever done that for him and now he was the one who was going to leave. He knew his partner would blame himself but hopefully in time he would be able to forgive himself and move on. 

I’m not worth your grief, he wants to tell Jack. 

He’s flagging, the pool of redness swirling around him is growing bigger and bigger. His limbs barely move and his chest feels numb. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, NIkki. And I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye, Jack.

With his last breath before he feels himself slip back under the water he screams Jack’s name as loud as he can, and then there’s nothing. 

++

Jack wakes to silence. 

Which is strange because he’s pretty sure there was a lot going on before his impromptu nap and it looks like he missed the rest of the party. 

He grunts as he pushes himself to his feet, grabbing the back of his throbbing head as he does, and blinks against the stars dancing across his vision. 

Where the hell is Mac and Nikki? The van is still there but everyone else is gone. Were they taken with the bioweapon? 

“Mac?” He yells? “Nikki?” 

He hears it then, splashing and gasping, and he runs to the side of the cliff because he recognizes those sounds of distress. He knows they can only mean one thing - Mac’s in the water. 

“Mac!” Jack calls down. “What the hell are you doing down there, man? This ain’t the time for a midnight swim.” 

He waits for Mac’s retort. There is always one. One of the reasons he started liking the scrawny blond kid with the silly hamburger name was because he never backed down from Jack’s playful taunting. Okay, sure, they weren’t so playful at the beginning but still - Mac never backed down. He liked that toughness, respected it. Mac’s spirit was strong and it made it nearly impossible not to like him. 

There is nothing. Just struggling and frantic breathing and red water around his best friend. 

No. 

“Jack!” Mac’s voice is so weak. He sounds so hurt. So desperate. And then he’s slipping under the water and Jack doesn't think, he simply steps back and jumps. 

He lands a few feet away from that red water where his charge used to be. 

Don’t be dead, please don’t be dead. 

He holds his breath and dives under, his hands reaching around but finding nothing but cold water. He opens his eyes and tries to see with the light the moon provides but it’s not much, not enough, and that isn’t acceptable for Mac to just vanish like that. 

I have to be able to see you to protect you, kid. Goddamn them for knocking him out so he couldn’t do anything to stop whatever happened after he was pistol whipped. He hasn’t even thought about Nikki yet. He knows if something’s happened to her too he’ll never forgive himself for not trying to find her immediately but triage states you help the more injured party first and since he doesn’t know her status Mac has to be his first priority.

He reaches out a little bit more and finally feels something cloth-like. Jack pulls with all his might and kicks hard to pull both of their weights up to the surface. He breaks through first and oxygen has never tasted so good. He pulls again and sighs in relief when Mac’s blond hair surfaces. He pulls the kid’s head out of the water and tries not to panic when he is met with closed eyes and a bloody shirt. 

Please, please don’t be dead. Don’t let me have failed you. I promised to protect you. I’m so sorry. 

He finds a place that’s flat and somewhat dry and hoists the deadweight that is MacGyver onto it. He pulls his waterlogged self out of the water, too, and kneels over him. He presses his fingers against Mac’s neck and nearly blacks out when he feels a feint, rapid pulse. His chest isn’t moving, though. Jack doesn’t think, instantly going into triage mode. He pulls Mac into the recovery position and uses the palm of his hand to thud him on the back. He only has to do it a few times before Mac jolts back into motion with painful, hacking coughs that hurt Jack’s chest just listening to them. He stops hitting and starts rubbing Mac’s back in soothing circles as the kid coughs up what seems to be half the lake. 

“I know you like collecting souvenirs to commemorate all the traveling we do but I don’t think you should try to smuggle half the lake in your lungs.”

“Jack?” Mac’s voice sounds wrecked but it’s the best sound Jack’s ever heard. 

“I’m here, bud, I just need to check you over.” He doesn’t want to move him out of the recovery position so Jack bends down and peels the wet shirt away from Mac’s chest. He sucks in a breath when he sees the damage. That’s definitely a bullet wound, no doubt about it, and it hit dangerously close to the kid’s heart. 

No, I am not losing you this way. 

“N-Nikki.” Even desperately injured, Mac is still trying to push himself up. 

“No, no, hey!” Jack grabs hold of the kids shoulders and gently holds him down. Mac’s too weak to fight very hard and he stays down with very little resistance. That terrifies Jack more than anything. “Stay down. You’re gonna be okay.”

“Nikki got sh-shot, too.” Mac groans, eyes fluttering shut. Jack taps his cheek lightly and is met with an expression so full of pain and suffering Jack flinches. 

“Stay awake, bud.” Jack insists. He glances around the lake but he can’t see her at all. 

I’m so sorry I barely even looked for you, Nikki. You deserved better than that. 

Jack wouldn’t even know where to begin looking for her. When he was in the water searching for Mac he felt the current under the calm looking water. If she went under before Mac did and she never came back up then she’s gone. Her body more than likely dragged away from them.

“You gotta fi-find her, Jack.” Mac insisted. He’s fading too quickly as more blood leaks through Jack’s fingers. He’s trying so desperately to stop the kid who has become like a son to him from bleeding out but it’s not working. He has to call for help. His cell phone is still in his pants pocket but a quick check shows it's too waterlogged to even turn back on. 

Damn, should have ditched it before I jumped in. At the time, he didn’t even think about it. He was so determined to get to Mac that nothing else mattered. Oh well, can’t change the past. He has to get back to the van. The rest of their communication equipment should be okay. He doesn’t want to leave Mac lying here by himself but if he can’t tell Thornton that they need to reroute their exfil back to Lake Como then nothing will matter anymore. 

“Hey Mac, you with me?” Jack asks, holding his breath until Mac’s eyes slide open once more. All he gets is a slight nod but he’ll take it. 

That’s right, kid, save your strength. I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to ya, I swear. 

“Good, you’re doing good.” Jack swallows when Mac can’t quite bite down on a weak groan. “I know it hurts but you have to stay awake, keep your eyes open, okay?”

Mac stares up at him blearily but makes no indication that he’s heard. 

“You have to promise me, man. You won’t close your eyes until I get back. Promise me, now.” 

“I-” It’s clear that Mac has nothing left but Jack can’t accept that. 

“Promise me,” Jack feels close to tears. Come one, please. “Don’t leave your ol’ pal Jack hanging.” 

“Pr-promise.” Mac says and it’s enough. 

“I’ll be right back. I’ve gotta get you out of here. I’m gonna get help.” 

“Hurry,” is all Mac can say and it’s enough to get Jack sprinting up the side of the cliff. He barely even notices the steep climb and in less than ten seconds he’s back on the road and jumping in the back of the van. 

For the first time it hits him that Nikki is gone. Even though he knows there is no way he could have helped her since he never caught a glimpse of her, he still feels the guilt like a kick to the gut. 

Mac is never going to forgive you. 

At least he’ll be alive. 

He better be alive. 

He doesn’t even know where to start with the equipment in the truck, that was thoroughly Nikki’s department, but her cell phone is still sitting by her keyboard. He picks it up and dials Thornton’s number. Not willing to waste time finding it in her contacts when he knows it by heart anyway. 

“Agent Carpenter,” Thornoton’s voice to the outside world would sound business as usual but Jack can hear the underlying concern. They shouldn’t be calling, wouldn’t be if things were going according to plan. “What’s wrong?”  
“A whole damn lot, Patricia.” Jack barks. He would normally feel instant regret for snapping at his boss but things went so bad that if he doesn't get help now he’s going to be the only one left on his team. 

“Dalton?” Thornton doesn’t sound angry which Jack is grateful for at least. 

“The mission went south and I’m gonna need a medevac right now!” Jack’s grip on the cell phone is so tight he can almost hear the plastic cracking. 

“Where are you?” Thornton asks. “How far did you get to the original exfil coordinates?” 

“We never even started the van,” Jack says, throat tight. “Things went bad immediately. The package is gone, Mac’s been shot, and Nikki is presumed KIA. We need help here, now.” 

“On their way,” Thornton says. To anyone who didn’t know her well, it would be like she was completely unaffected by the information Jack just gave, but to a seasoned agent like Jack he could that wasn’t the case at all. She sounded like she was shaken and Patricia Thornton never sounded shaken. “And Jack-” 

“I gotta get back to him,” Jack says. 

“I know, I was just going to say keep our boy alive.” 

“Will do,” Jack says and hangs up the phone. 

It’s a little harder to climb back down to Mac than it was when he simply jumped into the lake and Jack ends up in a controlled slide most of the way down. Mac is shivering, pale in the cold moonlight, and still bleeding. 

Damn. 

Jack crashes to his knees and rolls him onto his back. Mac’s eyes blink open slowly and he looks relieved to see Jack there. 

“Thanks for finally listening to me, man.” Jack says. He lifts Mac up carefully so Mac’s upper body is pulled against his body. He’s already in shock, there’s not a lot he can do for that, but he can try to provide as much comfort and warmth to the grievously wounded kid as he can. 

“Is N-Nikki gone?” Mac’s voice is nearly silent but Jack can still hear the pain behind the words. He really loved her and Jack has no idea how to break his heart. 

“I don’t know, bud.” Jack says. “She’s not here.” 

“She lo-looked...so su-surprised.” Mac tells him. As long as he’s talking…

“I know,” Jack doesn’t know what else to say. “I’m so sorry I didn’t stop this.” 

“Not you-your fault.” Mac says. “Went ba-bad.” 

“That’s the understatement of the century.” Jack tries to put some of his usual jokiness into it but he can’t. 

“Thanks for...sticking around.” Mac says breathily. “For co-coming back.” 

“I’ll always come back for you, you know that.” Jack can feel the tears pouring down his checks now but he doesn’t even care. Not with Mac dying like this. 

It’s so unfair. This kid deserves so much more time. Why didn’t you take me instead? I would have been willing to go in his place, you know that. 

“I know.” Mac says. “Thank you.” 

“Hey now, you don’t have to thank me.” Jack says. This sounds like a goodbye speech. “And I don’t want to be hearing no goodbyes either.” 

“I know,” Mac says with the ghost of a wistful smile. “Still.” 

Jack doesn’t know how long he sits there with his dying kid in his arms. When Mac goes limp against him, he presses two fingers to the pulse point on his neck and closes his eyes, feeling the weak beat thumping against his fingers. 

Keep fighting, man, you’re the strongest person I know. Don’t let a tiny bullet be the end of you, not you. But Jack knows how much devastation and havoc a bullet can wreak within a person’s body, especially where Mac got shot. Even the strongest people can’t always avoid death when their insides have been turned to soup. 

Jack tries not to think about that and instead attempts to breathe at the same intervals as Mac. He can feel that it’s not enough but at least it means Mac’s body is still trying. 

Eventually, he hears the blades of the helicopter slicing through the silence he had projected around them. 

“Agent Dalton,” he squints up at the flashlights pointed down at them. “We’re coming to get you.” 

Jack closes his eyes in relief and presses his face against Mac’s damp hair. 

Hear that, bud, you did it. 

++

Jack has been sitting in the waiting room of whatever Italian hospital exfil brought them to for hours but he still feels cold. 

Thornton is talking quickly and quietly on her cell phone in the hallway outside the waiting area. She’s directing the search party for Nikki but so far there has been absolutely no sign of her anywhere. 

Jack doesn’t want to have to tell Mac that he won’t be burying his girlfriend’s body. All he’ll have left of her is an empty casket and his memories. The last of which is of her shocked, blank expression Jack has seen too many times as a result of someone taking a kill shot. That’s not the last memory anyone wants of a loved one and it breaks Jack’s heart that that’s what Mac got. 

Jack watches as Thornton hangs up and presses her thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose. She sighs deeply, clearly not aware that Jack can see her, before smoothing out her white dress and walking back over to the block of chairs they’ve taken up residence in. 

“Any sign of her?” Jack knows the answer but he’s hoping for a better outcome than the one they are liable to get. 

“Not yet.” Thornton says. “But we’ll find her.”

Jack watches her face closely as she stares at the doors Mac disappeared behind. It already feels like a lifetime ago. He can see the corner of her left eye twitch, her usual tell when she doesn’t believe what she’s just said and is only saying it for someone else’s benefit. 

“Right,” Jack says. “They just gotta keep looking.” 

“Jack, you do know that if MacGyver survives this-” 

“When,” Jack jumps in before she can go any farther. She’s already distancing herself from the situation by referring to him privately as MacGyver and not Mac. Jack knows it's a coping mechanism born from losing too many agents in the past but Jack won’t allow it - now when Mac is the one they are in danger of losing. 

“Right,” Thornton corrects. “When MacGyver survives this he may never be field ready again.” 

“Hey now,” Jack interjects. “You know our boy better than that, he’ll be fine.” 

“You know as well as I do that agents that are severely injured in the field sometimes-”

“I know,” Jack cuts her off again. He knows he’s pushing his luck and she’s given him a lot of leeway because of the situation but that will surely only last so long. “Sometimes severely injured agents never recover enough to be able to perform at peak ability again, and Mac suffered oxygen deprivation on his way here which could severely impact his neurological functions, but that’s not gonna happen. You hear me. He’s going to be back to normal in no time. Making paper clip do-hickeys and annoying us all with science facts before you know it. You’ll see.” 

“You know I want to see Mac back in the field as much as you do,” Thornton says. “I just need to know what your state of mind will be if it doesn’t go the way you want it to.” 

“You’re not going to have to worry about me,” Jack says. “I can handle whatever happens but he’ll be fine. Stop trying to discount him so easily and give him a chance to get through surgery.”

“Okay,” Thornton says and then nods toward his empty coffee cup. “But I think we’re going to need a refill.”

It’s the first thing they’ve completely agreed on all night 

++

Mac comes out of surgery just as the sun is beginning to rise. 

It takes a little while longer for Jack to be allowed in to see him but finally, after what felt like an eternity, Jack is back at his partner’s side. 

Mac looks so small in the hospital bed. The gown is too large on his slight frame. He’s stronger than he looks but Jack always makes fun of him for being scrawny. He stands by it, too. He doesn’t know where Mac is keeping all the muscle necessary to do the things that he does because you would never know his physical strength just by looking at him. 

There are tubes and wires everywhere. There’s a group of them coming out of the top of the hospital gown, more coming from his chest and from under the thin blanket. There are clear bags of antibiotics and pain medication as well as a bag half-full of blood. 

How many of those have you needed, bud?

The worst, however, is the one down his throat that’s breathing for him. His lung was so badly damaged by the bullet he can’t even breathe on his own. Jack’s seen people on life support before but seeing Mac like that is rough. 

I’m gonna help you through this, Jack promises. You just have to keep on fighting for me. 

Jack takes Mac’s hand in his own, his pointer finger searching for the pulse point in his wrist, and he only feels like he can take a breath of his own when he finds the steady beat. That feels a lot better than it did by the lake, more normal. 

I’ll be here when they take out that tube and you’re breathing on your own again. I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll be here, bud. I promise. 

++

Bozer is getting ready for his shift when he gets the call. 

“Bozer,” he answers, the cell phone tucked between his shoulder and ear as he pulls the lunch he prepared the night before out of the fridge. Every once in a while, when Mac is on his frequent business trips, Bozer sometimes forgets that he doesn’t have to make one for Mac and he does it anyway out of habit. Mac has told him countless times that he doesn’t have to go through the trouble but Bozer always insists he doesn’t mind. And he really doesn’t. He loves cooking almost as much as he loves making films and he really likes sharing what he cooks with other people. Mac is always so generous with compliments, too, which Bozer is always appreciative of. 

“Hey man,” It’s Jack and the sound of his voice stops Bozer cold. He picks up the phone and holds it to his ear. “Are you at home?”

“Yeah, Jack.” Bozer says. “What’s going on?”

“You might want to sit down.” Jack says. He doesn’t have to say anything more before Bozer finds his way to the couch and plops down. 

“Okay,” Bozer says. “You’re scaring me. Is everything okay?” 

“I’m sorry,” Jack says. “And not really, man. Listen, there was an accident.”

“An accident?” Bozer asks. “In Italy? What happened, can I talk to Mac?” 

“No, uh, that’s kind of the problem. On our last night off Mac and Nikki went on a date night and they were mugged.” 

“Damn,” Bozer says. “Are you guys coming home early?” 

“No, it was bad, Boz. They were both shot. Mac’s in the ICU and Nikki...Nikki’s gone, man.” 

Bozer’s heart rate doubles at that and he immediately feels dizzy. He’s grateful Jack had him sit down when he has to put his head between his knees and take a few deep breaths. 

“Bozer, are you there?” Jack is asking but Bozer can’t hear it over the ringing in his ears. 

Not again, I can’t go through that again. 

“I’m here,” Bozer finally answers, his voice shaky and thin. “What, uh, what...are you okay?” 

“I wasn’t there.” Jack says and Bozer can hear the guilt in his voice. 

“Good,” Bozer says. “I mean, not good, but I’m glad you’re okay. Mac is he...and you said Nikki’s…” 

“You have to breathe,” Jack tells him. “I hate having to tell you over the phone but we’re going to be here for a while. Mac’s still on life support and won’t be able to be moved for a while. And I have to make arrangements for Nikki.”

“What can I do, Jack?” Bozer asks. He feels frozen, petrified. Nikki can’t be dead. Mac loved her so much. When he wakes up this will crush him. Hell, they all loved Nikki like family. And Mac...only he could get through a whole military deployment in a warzone and come out of it without getting too badly hurt only to then get shot in a mugging gone wrong on a work trip to Italy while working for a think tank? 

“There’s not much you can do on that end,” Jack says. “But I promise I’ll keep you updated. I’ll let you know the second anything changes.” 

“Okay,” Bozer says. 

“Are you gonna be okay?” Jack asks. “I can stay on the phone but I want to get back in there with him.” 

“No, no, I’m fine.” Bozer insists. He might spontaneously burst into tears as soon as they hang up and he is definitely not going to work but Mac needs Jack more. “Jack…”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of our boy.” 

“You know I will.” 

++

“Good job.” Thornton says when Jack hangs up the phone. 

Jack nods. He hates lying to Bozer but he knows he has to. It’s always hard to find the line between giving too much information and not enough. The key is to keep enough of the truth in the story without giving anything away about what they were really doing. They would normally leave out bullet wounds but with Nikki gone and Mac in intensive care they didn’t really have a choice. There was no way they could hide a bullet wound like the one Mac suffered from his roommate, and muggings happen all the time. Bozer believed it easily and why wouldn’t he? If anyone knew how much of a danger magnet Mac was it was his childhood friend who had known him longer than anyone. 

“He’s a good kid.” Jack said of Bozer. “Mac’s gonna hate it when we get back and Bozer goes all mother hen on him. At least he’ll be alive, though.” 

Thornton nods solemnly. “I have to leave in a few hours.” 

“I know,” Jack says. The job of a special ops agency’s director is never done. “How’s the search going?” 

“Still nothing,” Thornton says. “I have to head back to the states to start looking for the stolen bio weapon but I’m leaving search and rescue orders in place until they’ve combed the entire lake. And I don’t expect you back until Mac’s well enough to travel, either, so don’t even think about coming with me.” 

Jack nods knowingly and cracks a smile for her benefit. Socially, most people would think she was made of stone but Jack knows that underneath that tough exterior is someone who cares very deeply for her agents. 

“Copy that, boss.” 

“Watch out for our boy,” she says but they both know it’s unnecessary. Nothing in the whole world would be able to pull Jack away from Mac right now. 

++

It’s the greatest feeling in the world when Mac is finally taken off the ventilator. 

“That took you long enough, kiddo.” Jack jokes to the still form in the bed. Even though he’s breathing on his own now, Mac still looks far too pale and he’s much too silent for Jack’s liking. 

Jack spends each day telling Mac stories of his family's ranch in Texas. He promises to take him there when he’s all healed up and they get some real free time - not just recovery time. 

“You’re gonna love it there, kiddo.” Jack promises. “We have this one mare who learned how to break out of her stall by grabbing onto the slide bolt with her lips and unlocking it herself. It took months to figure out a locking system she couldn’t circumvent. Sounds a lot like someone else I know.” 

The fingers in Jack’s twitch and Jack freezes. He looks from the pale hand to the pale face and smiles when he’s met with blearly pale eyes. 

“There ya’ are.” Jack says, a relieved smile tugging at his lips. 

“Ja-” Mac’s voice croaks on his name and Jack reaches forward to press the call button. 

“I’m here, bud.” Jack promises. 

“Wha’ ha-hap’nd?”

“A lot, brother.” Jack says. “But you don’t have to worry about that at all, okay kid?” 

“Where’s Nikki?” Damn. Jack was hoping he wouldn’t remember so quickly. Of course he would, though. He was always thinking about others before himself. 

“Try to get some rest.” Jack says. But Mac is adamant, even weak and clearly in pain. He’s tougher than most people have ever given him credit for. 

“Is she...dead?” Jack doesn’t have to say anything for Mac to know. Jack expects tears but that’s not what happens. Instead, Mac simply looks away with gritted teeth. 

“Did they find her?” 

“No, they didn’t.” Jack tells him and it breaks his heart to have to do it. “They looked everywhere but she’s just...gone. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s not your fault.” Mac says as his medical team comes in and starts their tests now that he’s awake. 

I know you keep saying that, Jack thinks to himself as he’s directed back to the dreaded waiting room to give Mac some privacy, but it still feels like it is. 

Mac’s quieter than normal over the next few days but Jack knows the kid needs time to grieve. Jack wishes he would talk to him more but he knows everyone deals with stuff like that in their own way. He simply promises him that he will be there whenever he needs to talk.

The kid’s got quite a bit of rehab ahead of him but Jack knows he’ll be able to handle it. He’s as tough as they come and Jack silently promises to be by his side through it all. 

Jack almost lost him once. He pulled him out of the lake and got him to safety. He sat with him through the week-long coma and has held his hand through the silent nightmares that have plagued the kid’s mind every night since he woke up. 

But more than that Jack’s been his overwatch for years and he’s not about to let him out of his sight now.

++

Mac watches the familiar landscape go by as Jack drives him from the airport back to his house. He’s happy to be home. It took a long time before he was deemed travel-ready and well enough to be able to make it back to the US. Then, after a quick check at the hospital in LA to make sure nothing was aggravated too bad on the plane ride over, he was finally allowed to go home. 

Nikki’s gone. 

The words sound fake. They don’t fit together in any way that makes sense in Mac’s mind. 

She was always so vibrant and full of life. Their relationship burned hot and bright during the time they had together. He had never felt that way with another person before. And now she’s gone. It doesn’t seem fair that he should live while she didn’t didn’t even get the chance. He knows she was swept away before they could find her. He knows Jack had to make the decision to save him or blindly search for her and he knows there was no way Jack would have let him die. However, he still feels guilty that he was able to get himself back to the surface so Jack could find him and she wasn’t as lucky.

It just wasn’t fair. 

But when was life ever fair? 

Mac knew the world didn’t owe him anything but he wished it wasn’t so willing to take things away from him, either. 

Was that a selfish way to look at things? 

Maybe. 

“You know, I think you scared Bozer enough for one lifetime.” Jack says and Mac glances over at him. He grimaces at the thought of what it must have been like for Bozer to get that call. “He might go all mother hen on you for a while. Just to warn you of what’s coming so you start preparing for it now.”

“I think your mother henning has prepared me enough.” Mac says, mostly for Jack’s benefit. He knows he scared the crap out of both his friends. He can’t blame them for wanting to keep a close eye on him for a while. If the situation was reversed and either of them had taken a bullet to the chest then he would be feeling the exact same way. 

“True,” Jack says. “Well, I think it’ll be good for you to take some time off. Heal up and all that. Thornton doesn’t expect you to just jump right back into things and she already knows we’re a package deal.” 

Mac stays silent and simply goes back to staring out the window. He wants to get back to work but he knows it's not possible right now. He can barely walk for more than a few minutes before he needs to stop to catch his breath. 

However, as soon as he’s able he’s going after the man responsible for Nikki’s death. It’s a face he’ll never be able to forget and it won’t be leaving his dreams until he stops him. 

I wasn’t able to protect her from him but I am certainly not going to let him win. 

That’s not how this story ends. 

Not by a long shot.

++

Bozer’s mother henning consists of lots of waffles, apparently. 

Lots of food in general that Mac barely has the appetite to eat. Bozer spends most of his time before and after his shifts cooking and the rest of his time making sure Mac’s okay. He appreciates it but at the same time Mac just wants to feel like things are going back to normal. 

Jack is there every single day just like he promised when Mac was still stuck in the hospital. Jack insists on watching the entire Die Hard series every single week but Mac can’t complain too much. He knows they’re worried and doing the best they can to help him. He loves them for it even when it drives him crazy and he wants to yell at them to leave him alone. He always refrains from making a scene, though. That’s the last thing either of them deserves. It’s not their fault Nikki died. It’s not their fault Mac has nightmares of that night every time he closes his eyes. It’s not their fault he feels like his chest is going to explode every time he thinks about her. 

Mac’s afraid he’s given his best friend a coronary when he decides to go for his first run after two and a half months of healing. That seems like enough time. His chest twinges sometimes and he hates the scar, the visual reminder of everything that happened, but overall he feels like himself again. 

“You almost died,” Bozer sounds desperate as Mac pulls on his running shoes. It feels good to do something that reminds him of a time before the rug was pulled out from underneath his life. 

“You don’t have to keep reminding me, Boz.” Mac says. “I’m only going down the road and back.”

“I’m coming with you, then.” Bozer insists and Mac honestly can’t come up with a reasonable explanation against the plan so that’s how it goes for a while.

Mac is proud of himself when he can go farther and farther every day. Eventually, Bozer realizes he’s not about to keel over any second and lets him go on his own. That feels like a small victory in and of itself even though he did enjoy the company while it lasted. 

When he’s running on his own, it gives him a lot of time to think. Mostly, he thinks about how it all went wrong but sometimes he thinks about the good stuff, too. The main thing is that he misses her. 

Mac is not surprised in the slightest when he comes home from his latest run and Bozer is making waffles again. He can’t help but smile. 

“Hey, just in time, roomie.” Bozer greets him on the way in. “I’m making waffles.” 

“You know you don’t have to do this every day.” Mac’s told him the same thing every single day but it always falls on deaf ears. He doesn’t really expect this time to be any different. “I’m okay.” 

“You say you’re okay, but you’re not okay, all right.” Bozer says, leaning on the counter with that same sympathetic expression he always gets when Mac tries to tell him he’s fine - really. “Your girlfriend died in a mugging and you got shot. That doesn’t happen every day and it’s totally okay to admit that you are, in fact, not okay. It hasn’t been very much time.” 

“It’s been three months,” Mac says. “I appreciate what you’ve been doing, Boz, I really do but I need to be okay, okay?” 

“I hear you.” Bozer says. “But I almost lost my best friend in the whole world. I’m sorry if I’m coming off a little strong but I don’t want anything to happen to you.” 

“I know,” Mac says again. “And I’m sorry I worried you so much.” 

“It is not your fault at all, roomie. Now eat your waffles. It’ll put a smile on your face.” 

Mac tries, Bozer has to give him that. He gets down a few bites before he’s on his way to the shower. He feels sweaty and gross and he’s sure he smells bad even though Bozer has been way too nice to him lately to ever tell him. 

As soon as he hits the bathroom, he’s pulling his shirt over his head and he immediately catches a glimpse of the scar in the mirror. He freezes, eyes glued to the spot, and he shudders at how close of a call it must have been. Honestly, he didn’t care that much about his own condition when he woke up, his mind consumed by grief and anger over Nikki so he didn’t put that much thought into what had happened to him. Now, staring at the permanent reminder, he can’t help but realize how close he came to dying. 

He blindly reaches for the shower head, turns on the water as hot as he can stand it, and simply stands under the spray. Instead of relaxing him, his muscles only seem to tense up even more as memories flash before his eyes. 

Sparring with Nikki in the DXS gym. Cuffing her to the workout equipment and using her bobby pin to free her. “Now, put them back on.” 

Then her face, shocked and pale as the bullet catches her in the chest and she falls into the murky water below, never to be found again…

Mac startles out of it and turns off the water, breathing heavily to try to calm his racing heart. He wraps a towel around his waist as his vision wavers and he sits down immediately. He’s had this same thing happen multiple times since he got home. Sometimes, his body and the injury catch up to him and he starts to pass out. He learned the first time it happened that lying down often makes the feeling go away without him actually ever losing consciousness. That would be embarrassing and there is no way he’d ever hear the end of it. 

He lies on the bathroom floor for a few mores minutes, focusing on his breathing and heartbeat as they slowly go back to normal, before he pulls himself back up using the sink as leverage. 

You’re okay. He tells himself over and over again. You’re okay. 

He pulls on the first clothing items his hands touch in his dresser drawers and walks into the living room. He stops when he spots her out of the corner of his eye. 

“Thornton,” Mac says. He hasn’t seen her since the op in Lake Como. Jack told him about how she waited in the hospital when Mac was still in surgery but she never came back to see him after she left. And he’s certainly never seen her in his living room. 

“Mac,” she says, walking over to him. “You look good. How’s the…” She points to her own chest with a sad smile. 

Do you mean how’s the bullet wound or how’s the heart after the love of your life died? 

Mac decides to answer both. 

“Coming along. How are you?” 

“I think about her every day.” Thornton says sadly. She can’t even look him in the eyes. 

“What are you doing here?” Mac asks, he can feel the tears threatening and he refuses to let his boss see him cry. He hasn’t let anyone see him cry, not even Jack or Bozer, so Thorton certainly won’t be the first person. 

“We found it.” She says while pulling out a tablet and setting it upright on the table. “Yesterday we intercepted an SOS from the Nargard Research Facility in Greenland. She taps on the video paused on the screen and a sickly woman in a hasmat suit starts begging for help before coughing up blood as the video ends. “Ten minutes after this video was recorded all 27 of the researchers were dead. The CDC has taken control of the site.” 

“What is that?” Mac says. “It looks like some kind of viral hemorrhagic fever.” 

“We believe this is the biological weapon we were sent in to retrieve in Italy three months ago. The one that was stolen when you were injured and Agent Carpenter...Intel suggests that this was a proof of concept demonstration to prove that the seller was actually in possession of the weapon. Up until now, the man who stole the virus from you-”

“You mean the man who killed Nikki.” Mac says through gritted teeth. 

“We’ve been trying to find him.” Thorton says, her voice 2% softer now. “We were assuming he was going to be the end user but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. It seems like he was simply another broker looking to make a sale.” 

“Do we know when or where?” Mac asks. 

“No.” 

“Well, if we can’t find him we need to find the buyer. Nikki downloaded everything from that night onto her hard drive. The face of every guest at that party. That’s our list of potential buyers.” 

“I already have our cyber team processing her computer.” Thornton says. “Mac, I know you need time to heal and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. This requires someone who can handle a biologic. The clock’s ticking. We need you.” 

Mac doesn’t even need to think about it. He’s healed enough to do this. And more than that, he needs to be a part of this for Nikki. He has to see it through to the end for her. 

“I’m in.” 

“Good,” Thornton smiles, clearly relieved. “Now, let’s go find Dalton.” 

++

With the mission over, and Nikki back from the dead, Mac feels more worn out than he has for a long time. The newly healed muscles of his chest feel sore and he can’t quite get a full breath. It doesn’t matter, though. Nikki’s still alive. Not only that but she turned, betrayed them, and was willing to let Mac die for a payday. 

It’s like he didn’t know her at all. After everything they had been through, after everything they had shared, and despite all the trust they had shown each other - she still betrayed him. That hurt more than the bullet wound. That hurt more than thinking she had died doing something good. 

When Thornton and Riley left, Jack stayed behind. He was right there, where he always was, by Mac’s side but Mac couldn’t even look at him. It was his fault. If he hadn’t been tricked by Nikki so fully, if he hadn’t fallen for her so easily, then this whole mess could have been avoided. 

“I know you said you’ll be alright, and I know with time you will be, but I can’t help but feel like you are anything but fine, right now, brother.” Jack says. 

“I don’t really know how I’m supposed to feel.” Mac says. “I’m happy she’s alive but it hurts that she betrayed us like that.” 

“I’m with ya on that one, man.” Jack says, cracking open two more beers and handing one to Mac. “That was not how I saw this ending.” 

“She was completely fine with letting me die.” Mac says. “When I looked in her eyes today it was like I was looking at a stranger.. Someone cold and unfeeling. That wasn’t the person I knew.”

“I don’t know why she did what she did.” Jack says. “She never seemed the type to flip for money but everyone has a past, and demons, and a price tag. I guess they found hers.” 

“I would never do that to you for money,” Mac says. “I would never betray you like that.” 

“And I wouldn't to you, either, man.” Jack says. “You see, our price tags are zero. We wouldn't do that for all the riches in China.” 

Mac smiles at that. It’s such a Jack thing to say. And it’s true. His girlfriend may have turned out to be a bad person but he still has Jack and Bozer. Riley seems like a good person, too. Maybe they really will be okay. WIth time, of course. Nikki hurt their little family, betrayed them in the worst possible way, but she didn’t knock them down for good. 

The phoenix rises from the ashes stronger than it was before and that will be us. And even though this feels like the end of something, it isn’t. 

No, it’s only the beginning of what is surely going to be a wild ride. 

Mac holds his beer out and Jack clinks it with his own. 

Here we go.

The End.


End file.
